My Stone Cold Heart
by HeavenlyDevilish
Summary: Severus Snape has shut himself away from everyone for three years, and has convinced himself he has a heart of steel. But when a familar old class mate visits him, can they break through his barrier of hate?
1. First Friendly Encounter

This is another story about our favourite character in the wizarding world. Please read and review.

I own the plot.

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The Three Broomsticks was busy, as always at the time of winter. Crowds of people rushing to escape the cold bitter wind, raking their faces with its icy fingers. Butterbeer was being served on a magical rotary, due to the high demand for the creamy delight. Witches and wizards stood or sat (often under tables) to accommodate themselves. The Three Broomsticks was also a popular place for past Hogwarts' students to stay at.

Everyone had someone to be with. It was nearly Christmas, why wouldn't they? And yet all alone in the corner of the pub sat a figure. Crouched over several sheets of parchment, he dipped an elegant quill into some black ink. He wrote carefully, neatly, as if these simple notes contained the secret to life. His unkempt ebony hair hung over his thin gaunt face. His onyx eyes shined in dark beauty. They were eyes that had seen too much, for someone so young. At twenty years old, he had left Hogwarts three years ago. He spent those three years alone, in a small apartment. His cruel life had hardened his heart; so his feelings were void, save for the occasional hate. The few who knew him well, knew to stay away. That being said, he wouldn't attack anyone who ignored him. This led the majority to believe he was a harmless youth. On the contrary. His intellect had surpassed many, and he had often been compared to Tom Riddle. He knew curses to the highest level and spent most of his time practising magic or learning new spells.

Still writing he felt someone approaching him. It was Madam Rosmerta, the bartender. She placed a cup of boiling Butterbeer in front of him, smiled and walked away. He watched her walk away and scowled. There were many times she had felt sorry for him and given him free drinks. And yet he hadn't spoken more than two words to her. She was only a couple of years older than him. He frowned. He didn't understand the occasional acts of kindness 'strangers' did for him. Just the other day an old man gave him a Galleon! He was very tempted to curse the old man for thinking he was a beggar, but decided against it. He would be far better off _outside_ Azkaban. He had a thin black cloak on, that did little to protect him from the cold. One day Severus would need to get a thick winter cloak, before his current one was reduced to holes.

* * *

After leaving Hogwarts, Severus Snape did not keep in contact with anyone at all. Well not on a friendly basis anyway. He had a few encounters with Lucius Malfoy, merely discussing "business". Again he felt someone approaching him. He sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes. _'Why can't this woman leave me alone?' _He thought moodily. He was a little surprised she had come over, considering he hadn't touched his Butterbeer yet. He continued writing and tried to ignore her but found he couldn't. He could smell a distant aroma belonging to his past. The past he had tried to shut out and overlook. The steel clamp around his heart softened a little and he looked up. He stared and his eyes widened slightly.

"_Lily?"_

In dark blue robes stood the five foot four Lily Evans. Snape grimaced. Or Lily _Potter_ now. Her hair was long, auburn and shiny – just as he remembered it. Her eye were sparking emeralds and sent a wave of unpleasant nostalgia running through Snape's spine. The very past he had been trying to disregard for three years was now brought back to him in that instant. The bullying, tormenting… his heart's pain. Snape shook his head and mentally scolded himself. _'Enough of this! You're past childhood is a distant memory. You're goal in life is not to be hindered by any one person. Remember your heart is made of stone. Stones can't melt.'_

Lily looked at him, and smiled nervously. "Hello Severus, do you remember me?" Since he didn't curse her immediately she took this as a good sign and sat down. He simply looked at her, his face hard to read. It was a mixture of confusion and hard resentment. She continued speaking. "I didn't come to argue. I was in the area and heard you were here so I thought I'd come and see you for a while."

Severus' throat finally cleared away its phlegm. "Hello," he began, and paused, uncertainly knowing what to say next. Lily smiled again.

"So are you okay?" he asked.

'_Am I okay! My life has been a living hell for fifteen years, and when I'm sorted out **you** show up!'_

Lily seemed to read his mind. "I know you didn't… enjoy Hogwarts as much as I have. I- I know you've had a difficult life". She stared at the table. Snape was a little surprised. As he was very good at Occlumency, he didn't understand how Lily knew what he was feeling. He just didn't understand human semantics. "I'm sorry if you were hurt by anything I have done." She looked directly into his eyes.

Suddenly his body blazed with anger. She never bullied him. She never hurt or humiliated him. She never laughed at him. In fact she had tried to help him, offer compassion. And yet she had committed the biggest crime: she married James Potter. Seeing the look in his eyes she looked away. Was that shame on her face?

"I have no reason to hate you," he said coldly. She looked at him startled. He sipped some butterbeer. Realising his notes were exposed, he casually put them into his bag. "Why would I hate you?" he challenged her."

"…I want you to know Severus," she answered carefully, "I would never want to hurt you."

He raised his eyebrows. "You've never hurt me," he drawled lazily. Inside his heart was thudding. After distancing himself from most people he found he could act detached very well. It was lucky no one could read his mind! He laughed mentally. He'd just made a joke. How rare.

Lily's featured relaxed slightly. "Good. Because I know how you felt about James."

"Pure hate?" he said sarcastically.

"Well I-"

"Save it. If you're going to disturb my work to talk about James then go away."

Lily didn't take offence. Instead she asked, "What are you writing?"

"Poetry."

Lily laughed at his sardonic response. The sound was rather unusual for him. He hadn't heard genuine laughter for a very long time. It was either derisive mocking or a cruel cackle. He savoured the moment then stopped. Why was he enjoying himself? _'Because Lily's different, Lily's not one of them. She's-'_

"She married Potter," he blurted out. She blushed.

"Yes I have."

"Well don't sound so happy about it!" he snapped and banged his fist on the table. The noise in the pub carried on.

Lily seemed rather pleased he had shown some human emotion, but even so she cautiously chose her words. "I married James because I love him."

Severus flinched and shook his head to hide it. "Why do you care about love? How does that get you anywhere in life?"

"It does a hell of a lot more than hate does."

"Hate is power," he said, half to himself and smiled twistedly. His life had been fuelled by hate for three years, and it actually promised a future. Determined not to let anyone affect his emotions he had succeeded in living a better life. However it was impassive and empty. He carried on in life not for happiness; but for power, revenge and knowledge.

"Hate is not power," said Lily, slightly troubled.

"What is then?"

"Love." He had expected her to say that.

"Actually Lily, your life has never been fuelled by hate, so how would you know whether it is power or not?" His eyes bore into hers.

"Well _Severus_, you've never had LOVE in your life, so how would you know it's not the opposite?"

"How do you know I've never loved?" He looked at his fingers, then at the ceiling, and finally at Lily. Lily looked shocked.

"Severus what are you saying?"

"Don't call me Severus!" he snapped. She recoiled. "In fact, I'd appreciate if you'd go away NOW, and never come back!"

"Why?" she persisted. Snape rolled his eyes. She always persevered someone until they'd give in. He gritted his teeth. Well she wasn't going to break him. His long fingers tapped the table.

"Are you drinking that?" she asked.

"Huh?"

She pointed at his mug. "You've taken only one tiny sip of Butterbeer and I know you hate the stuff. You only drank some so you wouldn't have to talk to me."

He seemed rather amazed. "How do you know-"

"That you hate Butterbeer?" she interrupted. "Easy. Whenever we'd go to Hogsmeade I noticed you'd refuse to take any of it."

"Oh erm, yes?" He shrugged awkwardly.

"So…" she grinned, "Do you still want to me go away?"

Severus's mouth twitched slightly. "I suppose I can spare a minute."

"Can I have some of your Butterbeer then?"

"What!" he exclaimed. "You sit with me _just_ to take my free drink?"

"Of course," she teased.

Snape smiled. This meeting was going a little better than he expected. Despite the fact he chose to be socially outcast from everyone else, he was actually enjoying himself. Lily sensed this. She took his drink away and put it to her lips.

"Wait. You haven't cursed this, have you?"

Snape started, and realised she was joking. "No way." _'Why would I waste my precious curses for such a pretty girl?'_

"So," she began, and put down her cup. "Let's talk."

Snape frowned again. "Isn't this what we're doing?"

"No, I mean a proper conversation."

"Oh."

"So what have you done since you left Hogwarts?"

"Shut everyone out of my life. Created a new one by myself."

Lily nodded. This was not the reaction he had been hoping for. Normally someone would sense his hostility and go away, but Lily just stayed put. "I'm trying to shut _everyone_ out, you know." He put major emphasis on the word 'everyone.'

"I understand."

"Really Lily? Do you really? Do you honestly understand me? My life? Why the hell do you care about my well being?"

"Because believe it or not, I actually felt pity for you in school."

"Oh so that's it!" he shouted. "You're only talking to me now out of pity!"

"NO!" she yelled back. "I'm talking to you as a friend, as someone who cared about you in the past!"

Snape tutted. "I have no friends."

"You have one right now."

Snape looked at her in disbelief. "How Lily, is it, that you're talking to me? Your husband is my biggest enemy, and you want to be friends with me?"

Lily looked a bit more sympathetic now. "I know James was a jerk when we were younger, which is why I didn't like him. But when he grew a bit older, he matured. Haven't you noticed that I only started going out with him _after_ he stopped bullying you?"

"Why are you still talking about James?" he said, evading the question.

"You brought him up! Now I noticed you avoided my previous question."

_Damn._ "Err – yes I know you only went out with Potter after he was so rude to me."

Lily smiled, satisfied. She continued drinking.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Lily put down her mug. "Yes…"

"Why did you pick James? I mean," he said quickly after Lily had opened her mouth. "Remus wasn't so bad. And there's other people in Gryffindor better than James."

She regarded him suspiciously. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"As long as it doesn't kill me, yes."

She laughed. "Well, when James actually matured he turned out to be very nice. He was very respectful to me. He was funny and sensitive," she said louder, when Snape started gagging. "He's a good student, fantastic at Quidditch and very good looking."

"Oh so that's why you picked him. For his looks alone."

"You're just looking for an argument!"

"No…"

"Yes you are! James' good looks were the last thing I mentioned and you had to just point it out!"

Snape's finger traced the shape of a serpent on the table. "So if someone kind, sensitive and clever were from Slytherin, would you have gone out with them?" He muttered.

"Probably not."

"Why?" he confronted. His hands lay in his lap, still.

"Because how many Slytherins actually liked a single Gryffindor?"

"I did."

Lily looked at him quite coldly. "Actually Severus, I recall you calling me a Mudblood several times, as well as refusing to let me help you."

"I also recall _you_ marrying James!"

"Oh for heaven's sake you fool. I love James. You may loathe and detest him. You may wish for him to be dead." Snape snorted. "But that doesn't change my feelings for him… Anyways, why do you care so much? You've tried to shut everyone out, but I can see you're not doing a very good job. I can sense some resentment."

Snape growled. _'Trust Evans to freaking mess things up!'_

"Did _you_ love James or something?" she asked.

"What the -" Lily started laughing. He sighed. "Why is it Evans, you always seem to annoy the hell out of me, then repair all the damage?"

"Because, there are good people in the world, Severus."

He jolted slightly, and pushed his notes even further into his bag, despite the fact Lily couldn't see them. "What do you mean by good?"

"I mean those who haven't been tempted by the dark side." She ran a distracted hand through her hair. Severus had a wild urge to smell her auburn locks. He resisted.

'_But stones CAN break,'_ he thought absent-mindedly.


	2. Renewed Respect

**A/N**: Chapter two complete! Thanks to **Roxy Black** for being my first reviewer. And to **Roxy Black** and **Junsui** about their reviews: you are correct my friends!

Please read and review.

* * *

He was turned out of his home when he was only fifteen years old, by his parents. His father (a muggle), and his mother (a witch), both agreed he was good for nothing. It was too difficult to feed and clothe him, especially since he couldn't pay for anything. Severus knew the Snape family were poor, but he didn't think his parents could be so heartless, as to throw him out on the streets with such frostiness. He had tried begging to them, pleading for their love, but once glance at their scrawny child made up their mind for them. Without a choice, Severus packed all his possessions in a single suitcase (with the aid of a magical reduction charm of course). With a heavy heart he set off, gaining independence much too soon.

It wasn't advisable for under aged wizards to roam the streets unattended. The current headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, agreed he could stay in a small flat near the school, with regular visits from him, until he was old enough to take care of himself. Although it meant a life of solitude (save for the unwanted visits from Dumbledore), it was far better than the life with his parents. For the next two years Severus struggled through school socially, but passing all his exams with flying colours was a cinch. Defence Against the Dark Arts was his forte, followed by Potions. In fact he had the brains to be an Auror. However, Slytherin was a house known for the evil, highly popularised by the founder: Salazar Slytherin.

After Severus had passed his NEWTs, he tried to pursue a low-key career. Dumbledore had stopped visiting but gently reminded him there _were_ those who care for him. To Snape the words seemed hollow. He moved to another flat, to be as far away from Hogwarts as possible. He worked at several places in Knockturn Ally, including Borgin and Burkes and a certain shop that sold flesh-eating slug repellents. Due to his lack of social skills, he was soon transferred to work in the back room of shops. Working in a shop didn't suit him. He preferred to use his intellect to do something profound. But what? Since he had little money, he could only carry on working. Luckily Mr. Borgin let him borrow books from the shop for him to take notes. At night in his little apartment he made thousands of notes, studying and allowing the knowledge to sink in. He mainly taught himself curses, potions and defending spells. At thirteen, he started Occlumency and carried on mastering the art in the shop.

Two years later, at nineteen years old he received a visit from his mother. The shock of seeing the woman, who disowned him after four years, was almost too much to bear. She came to Borgin and Burkes and asked to visit his son. Mr. Borgin was naturally perplexed; he didn't feel the need to pry when employing anyone. Once they had the markings of a dark wizard then they were suitable.

"Are you talking about Severus?" he asked, hesitantly.

Eileen Prince straightened up and sniffed. She wasn't an attractive woman: her brows were heavy, and she had a long pale face. "Yes, is he here?" she asked roughly. Borgin didn't fail to notice the outline of a twelve-inch wand she had concealed under her robes. She seemed unusually composed for someone who had not seen her son for four years and was about to.

Borgin seemed unsure of what to do. The fact that Severus hadn't mentioned his parents since they first met (at the age of fifteen) was more than enough evidence to assume he had a dire relationship with them. Borgin didn't want to betray Snape's trust. On the other hand, that wand looked pretty big. He cleared his throat. "Yes he's in the back. I'll go get him for you." He warily stepped into the back room. Snape was, as usual practising magic.

"Severus, there's someone here to see you."

Snape's reaction was immediate. His head snapped upwards and looked at Borgin suspiciously. His first thought was Dumbledore.

"Who?"

Cautiously Borgin replied, "I think it's your mother."

Snape's pallid face grew paler. He gripped the side of a cupboard, knocking down a potion. It burned a small hole in the floor as well as releasing a thick green cloud. When it had cleared, Snape pointed a trembling hand at the ground and repaired the hole with his wand. "W-why is she here?"

"I don't know," Borgin replied apologetically. When Snape had finally left the room, Borgin cursed. _'I only had one of that potion left!'_

Snape made his way to the counter, where Eileen stood. He didn't know what to say. She too looked slightly apprehensive. Severus was wondering whether she was here to apologise and make amends. He pushed the thought away, though little part of him wanted to hope.

"Hello mother," he said stiffly.

"Severus…you look just like you did…when I last saw you."

"You mean when you and father kicked me out of the house."

Eileen didn't look sorry. "I hope you're not going to continue using that ungrateful tone with me!" Snape's eyes blazed, and he took out his wand. She withdrew hers.

"I see you've acquired a decent wand now."

"Mr. Borgin helped me pay for it."

"I see Borgin is helping you out in more ways than one."

Severus put his wand away. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid. Look around you. This shop is full of dark magical artefacts. Surely you haven't been learning about the dark arts?" She asked the question as if she already knew the answer.

Severus paused. "Yes…I've…I've been teaching myself things."

"Yes?" she pressed. "Like what?" There was no mistaking the eagerness in her voice.

He frowned and turned away. "Why do you care? You've pretended I didn't exist for fifteen years…"

She grabbed his shoulder. "For the first fifteen years of your life you were no use to us. But now you've gained knowledge of darker magic – something that wasn't taught in Hogwarts!"

Snape smiled bitterly. "So the only reason you care about me now, is because I'm of use to you?"

"Not of use to _me_ boy, but to use of-"

Borgin chose that moment to come out the back room. Eileen's hand dropped. He detected a conspicuous change in the atmosphere. His eyes shifted to Eileen and then to Severus. "Severus, are you okay?"

"Yes." Borgin detected some hurt in his voice. He hoped Snape wouldn't choose to leave. Good workers were hard to find… "Mr. Borgin, do you think we could have a little privacy?"

"Yes, yes of course." Eileen and Severus walked into the back room. He sighed.

Eileen took a glance at Severus' worktable. Her eyes fell on some carefully produced notes. She glanced at them in interest. "Is this what you've been learning?" she asked, impressed.

"Yes. Occlumency at its highest level."

Eileen laughed harshly. "I'm guessing you can resist Legilimency now."

"Of course."

"Even those at a high level?"

"Yes."

Eileen had a strange expression on her face. There was clear nervousness, with subtle hints at excitement. "What about that old fool, Dumbledore? Can you resist him?"

Snape wrinkled up his brow, pausing to think. "He's never performed Legilimency on me before. I don't know why. I think he trusts me."

Eileen half giggled. "At least we have one less person knowing you practise the dark arts!"

"I guess," he replied, fidgeting slightly. "Where's father?" he asked suddenly.

Eileen cleared her throat. "Your father…died not too long ago."

Severus' expected a cold wave to crash through him, but he felt nothing but numbness. "How did he die?" he managed to ask.

"He had a weak heart…"

"And you couldn't help him?" shouted Snape angrily.

"Well…your father was a muggle. And in our times, wizardry is more important."

"You let him die because he was a muggle!" Severus wasn't angry his father had died and Eileen had failed to help. He was angry because of the _reason_ she failed to help. Clear prejudice. "I'm a half-blood if you didn't realise!"

"Yes I know. The most important part is that half of you _is_ magic!" The words slightly stung him. She rifled through his papers. Half of him wanted to stop her: these notes were private. But the other half wanted her respect. She paused on one piece of parchment.

"The Imperius Curse?" she half whispered, new found respect creeping into her voice.

"Yes," he whispered back.

"Does…does that man you work for know about this?"

"He may have suspected, but he hasn't said anything. Anyway…why _are_ you here?"

Eileen cleared her throat. "Have you heard of Tom Riddle?" Severus stopped short. Of _course_ he had heard about the rising wizard. There had been many incidents in the Daily Prophet about the Death Eaters, Unforgivable Curses and frequent signs of the Dark Mark. The Ministry of Magic was currently in shambles due to the spies used: either Death Eaters or people under the effect of the Imperius Curse, to infiltrate places of significance. Many Aurors were being murdered daily, while trying to organise resistance to Him.

"You mean…Voldemort?"

Eileen looked surpised Snape had said his name out loud. She was beginning to form a new found respect for her son, something Snape didn't think could be possible.

"Yes…The Dark Lord."

Snape looked sharply at his mother. "Y-you're a Death Eater?" She nodded.

"The whole purpose of me coming, is to ask if…if you're interested in becoming a Death Eater."

Snape frowned. "Does Voldemort recruit half-bloods?"

"He takes on those who pledge loyalty to him. Those who are strong wizards. Those like you." Although her words displayed flattery, Severus could see right through them. His mother didn't care for him; she only cared for power. And seeing as Voldemort was rapidly gaining power, it seemed like a wise choice. He considered. He had always wanted to show off his intelligence. He too had wanting power, to destroy the 'good' side.

"Does he really need more Death Eaters?" he asked.

His mother nodded seriously. "Please contemplate this, Severus." Snape winced at the artificial tenderness in her voice. She started to turn away. Severus found himself renewed with sadness.

"Wait!" he called. She turned back. Snape took several deep breaths. He wanted to ask her something for a very long time. "Have you ever loved me?"

She looked at her son, almost with genuine affection. "Son, if I didn't love you I wouldn't have asked you to stand side by side with me, and join me in power."

* * *

Three days after the encounter with Eileen, Severus received yet another visitor. Borgin found Snape in the back room, levitating a shrunken head. He cleared his throat. Snape looked up. "There's someone _else_ to see you. Obviously you're quite popular this week," he said sarcastically. Snape was rather bewildered. He went out of the back room and saw a man in the shop. He appeared to be older than Snape, with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He was looking around, picking up random items. He paused when he saw Snape.

"Ah, Severus Snape," he said coolly.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Touché, touché," the man spoke. He faced Snape at the counter. "I'm Lucius Malfoy." Severus could vaguely remember him. He went to Hogwarts and was in Slytherin, but was a few years older than Snape.

"What do you want?" Severus demanded, hostile.

"Relax," Lucius drawled. "I'm here on friendly business. Consider me an acquaintance."

Severus shifted slightly.

"Eileen sent me."

"What for?" he replied sharply.

"To convince you to join us."

"_Us?_ Are you a Death Eater too?" Snape scratched his head. Lucius sneered and pulled back the robes of his left arm. Branded into his arm was a skull, with a serpent coming out of its mouth in the place of a tongue. Snape was strangely drawn to it, and stared at it, memorised. Lucius noticed this and smiled, pushing back his sleeve.

"So…?"

Snape was brought back to earth.

"Do you consider accepting?"

"Will Voldemort actually consider me?"

Lucius smiled smugly for two reasons. Firstly Snape was actually considering. Secondly, he was one of the few that said His name without cringing. "His followers refer to him as the Dark Lord."

Severus kept quiet. Possibly a new chance for himself? He shook his head. "I don't think I'm ready yet."

"You're nineteen now aren't you?" Snape nodded. "The Dark Lord will want young followers." Lucius mused to himself and stroked his chin.

"And how old are you?" insisted Snape. A muscle in Lucius' mouth twitched before he replied "twenty-five."

"How long have you been a Death Eater?"

"Three years."

"And does He treat you well?"

Lucius looked at him, though not unkindly. "He uses brutal punishments to ensure we stay loyal to him," he replied simply. He examined a dried pickled hand distractedly, waiting for Severus to speak.

"I still don't think…I'm ready."

Lucius looked him in the eyes. "I'm sure you'll change your mind." The force in his voice gave Snape the impression he _would_ change his mind, to be with them, to serve the Dark Lord –

He shook his head. "Sorry."

Snape expected Lucius to become angry at his refusal. Instead he smirked and said, "I'll be back."


End file.
